Diet Coke runs through my veins. There's no denying it, just accept it as fact.
Now, I realize that your gut reaction is to pity me because I'm different.
(because thats what we do with "different" people.
We simply "feel sorry for them" and call it a day.)
Next, you might ask yourself: "What exactly does this mean?"
Well, here are the basics:
A. If I were to give blood, upon impaling my bicep with a needle, one would be dumbfounded by the stream of carbonated caramel colored aspartame draining out of my limb.
B. If I ever survive a horrible accident and need a blood transfusion, do not be afraid! As opposed to the average human, whose blood is rare and outrageously valuable, my blood can be purchased by the gallon from McDonald's for merely a dollar.
C. If I were to ever find myself stranded on a desert island, I would not hesitate to make a small incision on my wrist and casually slurp my insides out.
D. Due to carbonation, I am very buoyant. Therefore, I will never drown. Theoretically, I could survive while lost at sea forever! (I'm not sure why this rant is extreme situation themed with an emphasis on becoming stranded.)
You my be asking yourself-Sarah, what about food and water?
I'm WAAYY ahead of you.
Food-sharks.
Water-refer to point c.
E. I'm surprised that you've made it this far! Thank you for observing my absurdities. Have a wonderful evening.
