I Can't Sleep

Its 12:45...I'm getting up in 5 hours. Tomorrow is going to be...fun. 

The thing that's bothering me is the fact that I don't know why I can't sleep. I don't know how my thought process started (who ever does?) but I've literally covered every base in terms stress points- from those close at hand like the half marathon I am not prepared to run in two weeks, to others as far off as leaving for college next year (which I suppose is relatively close at hand as well). I'll keep you updated through the college process. Right now I'm thinking early apply to Syracuse. They have absolutely everything I want. The only thing keeping me from pulling the trigger is curiosity if I could get into some of my reach schools. But its all irrelevant because the average act yadayada for the school as a whole doesn't mean anything really for the programs I'm applying to. Like academically, I think I could get into Syracuse pretty comfortably. However, The Bandier Program? God only knows. Wish me luck.

Side note- I have a new obsession with candles.  Christmas present? I think so. Less than 4 months! get cruuunk

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go

so my aunt Sue took this a few weeks ago and she just sent it to me. awesome right?

anyways, the rest of the phrase actually goes "let go of whats in front of me here" (Paramore- The Only Exception) but the song as a whole doesn't really apply to my life as much as that one line. I'm having difficulty realizing that I'm not the center of one person in particulars life (anymore?). Not that I was ever actually the focal point of everything this person did, but I know I used to have a significant affect on them and I'm afraid they have moved on.  I deserve it, really. I suppose I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, so to speak.

none of that made much sense on account of my ambiguous language choice.  But it was kind of more for me to organize my thoughts than for you to understand what I'm talking about. hahaha...yeah

i wish i would have done some of my homework in the 400 free periods i had today. but i didnt. typical. whatevs, i week closer to graduation i suppose.

also, I have my eyes on a new conquest, if you will.  actually, its more like reinventing an old conquest. game on?

Its that slumdog millionaire bollywood flow

Is it really only Tuesday?

I'm sitting here looking at my psych book with the sad realization that even if I were to fall asleep in the middle of writing this word, I would still be sleep deprived.  Oh the teenage gripes. Productivity comes at a cost. Not that today was particularly productive, because it wasn't.
I went to a high school soccer game today. It was cool because my school played my home town (suburb?)'s school. It made me remember how much I miss going to my brother's hockey games.  Those things had a life above and beyond the sport of hockey, which a handful of people can attest to.
Its weird because we're moving at such a fast pace that the individual moments seem to take forever, but in hindsight so much has happened so quickly. So much has changed so quickly.

"Indeed. She is my friend."

I just got home from school. Yes, it's 5:30. No, I did not have a sport or club or activity. I ran with my friend for maybe a half hour, then got back to school, got in Daisy, and sat on the Stevenson. For an hour and a half. Its day three, and I already hate it.
School itself isnt that bad though. Its awesome being a senior, and I've really missed a lot of people that its great to see again. AP Bio is going to eat me alive. Psychology is awesome. And I really miss my friends who don't go to my school.
Optimism? I made it past the first Monday!

Bonjour, mes amis

Hello. I'm Sarah and I turned seventeen a couple of months ago.  So that means I'm a senior in high school. I go to a relatively small catholic high school in the city that's so full of itself it insists on being referred to as "college prep" instead of "high school." You could sum this institution up in one word: competition. 900 kids applied for 328 spots. To get in you either have to be smart, well connected, or fucking loaded. So that has plagued my life for the last 3 years.  Smart high achievers, social climbers, and over-privileged rich kids.  Now, okay, I'm sorry. I'm being harsh. I have met plenty of well rounded individuals who have had nothing but positive effects on my life, and I have been given opportunities to die for. I feel like high school came and went in the blink of an eye, just as everyone told me it would.

I play the violin and have since I was three. I've picked up some piano and guitar like every typical wanna be musician, but honestly music is the focus of my life.  When the aunts, uncles, and grandparents ask what I'm thinking about for college, the answer "Music Business" sparks an array of reactions.  No one takes me seriously. If I'm talking to a particularly astute acquaintance I'll throw in the idea of law school after undergrad to prevent spontaneous combustion and to ease the look of disapproval on their faces. 

I lax. nuff said. 

My family is absolutely perfect.  Well, okay, nothings perfect. But I'm so unbelievably lucky. All things considered, like the occasional scuffle with mother about curfew or the constant pull for freedom from dad's old fashioned restrictions, I wouldn't trade them for the world.  Now, my lack of a broken home doesn't exactly write a good college essay, but I'm not complaining.  I have a brother too. He's in college studying journalism and being a boss. I think I get a lot of my courage from him. And wit too, although he would beg to differ. 

My friends are inspirational.  This summer was the happiest time in my life and I owe it all to them. To quote one friend in particular, there are some people in your life who you would do anything for to repay them for just being there. Like that somehow just saying thank you isn't enough.  New friends and old friends alike, i love you.

Sunday afternoon, let the homework marathon begin.